I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
