I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am spending my child support on dildos
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
