I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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