so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
