butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
