okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
