i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
