I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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