before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
