I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
