I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
