After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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