please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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