when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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