now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
