Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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