Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think a kid would responsible me up
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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