Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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