Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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