I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
