I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
