If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
