you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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