i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
