I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
