DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
