So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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