There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize