I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
