btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
