u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
