Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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