if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
