This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I should be sponsored by Trojan
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
