I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
