eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
