two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Boobs are out for the taking
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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