i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
