so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk is not a location!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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