Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
