I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
