getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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