I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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