I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
