i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
