he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
