she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
