I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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