i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
