I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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