I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
