i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
