i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
