Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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