omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
