My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well I just put wine in my tea
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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