you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We left the knife in your bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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