I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
