In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
