Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
