just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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