He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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