now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
