just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
