People in love make me want to vomit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He did a backflip because drugs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
