So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
