Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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