you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
