I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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