He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
