I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
