Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
