I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
