Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
