do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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