Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
