I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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