i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize