did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
