I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
