i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
