i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize