He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
