i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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