i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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