Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
