My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
