I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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