I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
