drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
