Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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