SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
